A whiz in the kitchen

In the spirit of financial common sense my aim has been to cook in the apartment more than usual. On previous trips I have behaved like a food critic and to hell with the expense, the pound is riding high ! This time, however, I'm here for 3 months and that attitude doesn't work alongside my bank balance and unemployed status. The plan has thus far gone like this:
Day 1 - Buy food (minus shopping list and thus forgetting countless essentials)
Day 2 - Reach dinner time and realise there are no pans (when the owner of the apartment works in a restaurant, why would she have things like pans in the place ?)
Day 3 - Still no pan but I decide I can cook spaghetti in a frying pan.
Day 3 continued - Can't turn the knobs on the cooker. Have bagels for dinner followed by a bag of M&M's and a beer.
Target - Buy a microwave !!!!!!

It is worth pointing out that I have had to phone friends whilst they were holidaying in Australia in order to ask them how to open the petrol cap on their car and how to remove the bag from their hoover (it was a Dyson !!!). There is no hope.